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Feelings and thinkings
01 Sep 2025 02:16 by
AKITA SILVERLEAF
I am the roaring sea,
Full of feelings and thinkings,
Things that have no bound.
There are many such things,
Some dark some light
Some that will bend you till you break
They send you into the night
And yet they send you into the place of sunflowers
So cheery and bright
So...
Overwhelmingly cheerful
They can make you feel like you can do anything, these feelings and thinkings
Yet with a fiery snap,
You are back in the depths of despair,
In the pits of anger,
In the grasp of sadness
It happens so quick, these feelings and thinkings
They are like a storm,
So quick and furious they'll give you whiplash
Like the storm, it feels as though there is no control over these things
What are they but feelings and thinkings?
I don't know if they can be fully controlled
Or if it is a problem of my own
And mine alone
If harming others is an accident,
But is my fault alone,
Who is the creator of these problems?
Who holds the guilt?
Everything can explode, every one of these
Healing is needed like water is to life
But where to find it?
Where indeed...
I am the storm, roaring and exploding with all of these feelings and thinkings.
AKITA SILVERLEAF
- 01 Sep 2025 14:09
Reply to AKITA SILVERLEAF:
Oh and what's really weird but probably connected both to trauma and to my being so young, and to my horrible memory, I don't remember much of my life at all. I know it happened, but I can't remember it
Reply
AKITA SILVERLEAF
- 01 Sep 2025 14:06
the moderation of emotion is kinda connected to everything, including the anger issues & the feeling numb, nothing, like nothing's real, almost like I'm not even myself, it's really weird but happens a lot, I need to do research on it... the feeling everything at once is also related to moderation of emotion... the trauma (I'm not getting into all of that bc it's...well, it's like something I'd give my ocs..) has kinda hightened everything, there's some PTSD in there, self blame, a lotta anxiety, etc.
Soo yeah. I suppose the web analogy makes sense
AKITA SILVERLEAF
- 01 Sep 2025 14:06
Reply to βοΈ ππΎπ»πΈππΈπ»πΎ (Help wanted) βοΈ:
Dw about communication, I understand!
Hmm well, I guess, kinda? It all is kinda connected, with each issue not really truly being separate... (Here we go into all the psychoanalysis..)
the ADHD is related to the chasing dopamine and not knowing how to stop, which is connected to self blame, which is connected to both depression & anxiety, the communication issues is more connected to the ADHD, anxiety, and other issues, plus it doesn't help when it feels like you're living in a different world, it also feeds into the depression some. Ig we haven't found the cause behind those...
mirodi
- 01 Sep 2025 03:43
Reply to AKITA SILVERLEAF:
Web
sorry sirry sorye sbad way of communication but i dont know how else to say
web
as in spider's web
figuratively
sounds a bit like what you're describing with "I feel nothing, then everything at once"... mixed together with other topics?
web
seen
AKITA SILVERLEAF
- 01 Sep 2025 03:35
Reply to βοΈ ππΎπ»πΈππΈπ»πΎ (Help wanted) βοΈ:
Ty! It's been something that helps a lot to describe stuff...and to let things out in a more healthy way Ig? Idk but I like it!
True! And in a way, I've found some places! Poetry, definitely is one of them! And I've been trying to find them...
As for my situation, for the most part I'm fairly open (other than some specific topics ofc, or if I'm talking to one of those "mental health is for clinically insane" people which I believe doesn't apply here), I don't mind talking about it. Most of it is a lot of severe anxiety, depression, ADHD, communication issues, a lil trauma, etc. I also have 0 moderation of emotion, which causes a lot of issues. We're working on it though! Just trying to fix the good old "I feel nothing, then everything at once".
Ty! And yeah, I hope so, I'm trying to find those "wheres", it's tricky but we're getting there!
mirodi
- 01 Sep 2025 02:49
This is beautiful. Your use of poetry to convey your feelings is very impressive.
Something I've found is that "where" is actually many places. Finding different forms of solace and different forms of understanding are both important. Actually, this poetry, this outlet, is one of those "where"s. If you can find more of these wheres, you may be able to find healing- at least to some extent. I can't help, as I don't know how to read (or communicate at all) abstract thoughts, and don't know your exact situation. I won't intrude anyways, unless you want to share. But I believe in you to understand yourself, and to understand all these feelings and thinkings. I believe in you to find solace- in escapism; in art; in anything you find, as long as it doesn't hurt you. You can find your wheres. Just give yourself a chance.