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Please help (Half-vent, half-please actually help I don't know what to do I need to talk to someone please...)
18 Jul 2025 17:47 by
❄ WoliWilo ❄
Um
So I have a friend
And um he's a great guy!! Don't get me wrong
He's very smart and nice and talented and is an okay guy :)
But he's not a great friend, not BAD, but not great
And of everyone in the extended friend group, he is definitely a little worse to me
And i don't know if it's healthy for me to stay friends with him
It's changed the way I've approached friendships in general
A couple years ago I started saying stupid things on purpose to give people something to do, give people something to talk/argue about, because that's what this friendship has taught me
I have to give people something to talk about, because I need them, I need friends, I can't talk to them about anything but I have to give something back
Maybe I wasn't being dumb, maybe I was being manipulated
And now I know I'm being manipulated
By him
I confronted him about it last year, and he argued that I didn't research enough for the claim, and said that I needed to know what signs to look out for to know someone is manipulating you. I told him. I was careful with my words, so I only managed to get out 2 points that were convincing to him, I think. Not enough.
I think part of the problem is communication. I have autism, which makes communication harder for me. Explaining the specifics would be hard, so I hope just saying that is sufficient. He knows that. He says I can still get better and it's something for me to work on, which I know, and I can, but the way he acts towards me, it's too hard. Everything has to be objective I can't tell jokes I can't say opinions but we're friends! We play games together!
Also, he does this less now, but he has brought up weaknesses that I had/have grown out of and use them to his advantage
And I know I'm not the only one with these experiences, my other friends complain about him a lot. Tried to make a little club where we wouldn't allow him, and ofc he found out cuz he's always trying to pry out any detail he can abt us and he had this whole lecture and another friend said something but "it doesn't matter you should never exclude people" WHICH IS FINE DON'T GET ME WRONG but he is saying it for the wrong reasons.
Speaking of him always prying out everything, he also never says anything when I ask him stuff, unless he's ranting. And if he's in the wrong, he says "don't blame me, I'm just [blank totally unrelated or forced personality trait]."
Also, here's a transcription of a convo in a group chat (the friend is S, and A is a different person
A: I remember when I was like 7 before I was even into drawing I drew this awesome werewolf I wish I never lost it
Me: :0
Me: Where could the wolf be
A: idk
Me: WHERE could the WOLF be
Me: WHERE WOLF
A: Ahhhh clever
Me: I'm sorry that's so dumb lol
A: No it's clever and even if it is dumb I like bad jokes sooo
Me: Wait actually I do wanna do that more
Me: And not point it out
Me: Encoding more information in small sentences using goofy context stuff
A: Indeed
Me: You can manipulate people and just laugh it off as a bad joke :D
[This is a joke, and I tried to make that clear]
Me: Probably not very effective manipulation but... Yeah... y- Yeah ok nevermind ANYWAYS
[Later]
[Just so you know we were also talking about the morals of tracing vs using reference for art earlier]
S: Replying to "Yeah as long as you aren't saying it's your own original artwork it's fine"
Are you saying that about tracing it ref cause tracing and claiming it as your own is awful but ref is normal
[Yes, I was in fact, saying it about tracing, which I literally stated beforehand, why are you being so condescending now?]
S: Replying to "You can manipulate people and just laugh it off as a bad joke :D" So you get onto me about “manipulation" but then you say this
[It was a joke]
A: I think he was joking
[Thank you]
A: Also referencing is also effective to learning an art style but tracing helps you understand the proportions a bit more
H: Yeah
H: As long as you don’t claim TRACING as your own
[You can't be analytical if you're just going to ignore certain details for your own benefit]
What does he even gain from this? Maybe this rant is doing the same thing he did, bringing up past weaknesses, but I'd argue that the "weaknesses" I'm talking about are only getting worse and more hurtful.
But despite all this, we're still friends. And he's still trying to stay friends. I'm scared and I don't understand and I don't want to betray his trust because we've been "BFFs" since first grade and I don't know what to do. This one guy has genuinely made me want to take you know what drastic measures.
I just need to talk to someone, please
Happy Pixelling, I guess.
Murphicc
- 26 Jul 2025 13:49
Reply to Murphic:
theres a random ~ in the n ignore it lol
Reply
Murphicc
- 26 Jul 2025 13:48
Reply to ❄︎ WoliWilo ❄︎:
ÑP WOLI!! The reseach wasn't much, really, which I think I could have got a little deeper into the site I found about manipulation in general, yet I'm super happy that I managed to help you even if it was just a little bit! About the last thing you said, don't worry about rushing to get away from him or anything like that, it takes time and it's already amazing how you can indentify what is going on and back off from him.
🩵AKITA ROMERO🩷
- 20 Jul 2025 17:32
Reply to ❄︎ WoliWilo ❄︎:
Ofc! I wish I knew how to help more- but ofc I'll always stop and think about this, to help in any way I can! I really hope there's a way you can disconnect from him, because it doesn't sound good. Please don't let him have control of your well-being, take care!
❄ WoliWilo ❄
- 19 Jul 2025 23:03
Reply to 🕶️El pineapple🍍:
That's a great idea, thanks! It's sort of what I meant when I said "back away", but that makes more sense. Speaking of autism, I think part of my problem with finding better words for that is because I can't communicate well with myself either sometimes lol, thanks for feeding my brain actual words
❄ WoliWilo ❄
- 19 Jul 2025 23:00
Reply to AKITA SILVERLEAF:
I didn't see this comment earlier, tysm also! I'm happy to see that people are actually willing to stop and think about this, thank you, Akita!
❄ WoliWilo ❄
- 19 Jul 2025 22:58
Reply to Murphic:
Omg you did RESEARCH? Idc what sort of research it was, how much it was, you're amazing!!
You, who I only know through the internet is willing to basically make a 4 paragraph essay, 5 paragraphs if you include the previous one, and actually go and do research, to try and help me, again, a random internet stranger, cope with someone manipulating me. WOW.
Tysm, knowing all that really helps
And I do know some of the stuff you said already, but seeing someone actually say it to me is very helpful too.
I probably won't be able to get away from him entirely, but your advice has made it easier for me to back off, in a sense. (Back off is vague, but idk how else I'd explain. English is not good for processing raw thought.)
Many thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
🕶️꒰𝐸𝓁 𝒫𝒾𝓃𝑒𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝑒꒱🍍
- 19 Jul 2025 21:09
and its nice to see that there are other autistic people other than me here :)
🕶️꒰𝐸𝓁 𝒫𝒾𝓃𝑒𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝑒꒱🍍
- 19 Jul 2025 21:08
Reply to 🕶️El pineapple🍍:
i don't know where im going with this, sorry
🕶️꒰𝐸𝓁 𝒫𝒾𝓃𝑒𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝑒꒱🍍
- 19 Jul 2025 21:08
if i were in the situation in which i felt that a close friend was manipulating me i would try to distance myself from them, not confront them because i am not one for confrontation. id feel that it would be better if i just slowly move away, but if i were to give advice id probably say to confront them.
🩵AKITA ROMERO🩷
- 19 Jul 2025 18:08
It really does sound like he's being manipulative, and frankly, that's not a good friendship. The "objectiveness", the always prying for information, bringing up weaknesses, and the "I'm never wrong" attitude, those aren't good signs. I get that you don't want to betray his trust, but... I'm sorry, I really don't know how to help.
Remember to take care of your well-being before him. Take care