envying my past self from like around the time after gp shut down bc i was super depressed but it was the only time when i consciencely felt like i had control over my life and some of the best moments i had were from that time

i dont know the area anymore i dont know the language anymore i dont know the wildlife anymore i dont have the vestigial scraps of youth anymore so i cant run away

and as i have been numbed and grown apathetic i dont have the will to create as i once did anymore

the only good life for me now would be wishing for happiness

but at the same time having happiness in the best way i could

i miss walking in a neighborhood i knew