so.. lately I've been dealing with some stuff. lot of drama, which causes me to be even more overwhelmed. my family is a mess rn. yelling, phone calls, health issues, dad not being home on weekends.. but there's a lot. one family member drunk and won't stop. (luckily not in my household but..) and just other things. feels like it's all falling apart. people, they say, "that's life, deal with it" or "look on the bright side" or "put on a smile" NO. I DON'T WANT TO. all it does is make it worse, and I'm so tired of "putting on a smile" to hide the pain. to act like I'm ok WHEN I'M CLEARLY NOT?Then facing my worst fear:PEOPLE I LOVE DYING. my grandma has cancer, and.. she's got only A FEW MONTHS, if that. I HATE BEING SO HELPLESS, no, useless. I'm so scared... haven't been getting enough sleep. I just want to escape the pain, just want to find a way to stay above the water. I want to heal. It feels like I'm drowning in all of these things and it's hard to get above the water. I'm scared that one of these days I'll snap. that I'll be even more broken.

I'm so scared...

(that was a lot of sentences, I know)