~continued~

What if she figured things out and started to question me..?

I started to feel my chest tighten up as I tried to figure out how to fix this. This wasn't how seeing her again was supposed to go. Why couldn't I think before bringing her here? Why didn't I just think?

"Hey, you ok?" Ash came a little closer to me, worry in her gaze.

"Y-yeah, I'm..." I felt my throat tighten as I heard how strained my voice sounded. "...fine."

"Here," she responded, handing me a odd sort of soft fidget thingy that she had been messing with the entire time.

"Oh no, I can't take it, it's yours and-"

"It's fine, I have more. I'm giving it to you after all," she responded, putting it in my hand. "Squeeze it, like this." She took one out for herself and tightened her grip around it.

"Th-" my voice choked off with a sob. Someone was giving me something. Someone I didn't even know was giving me something...Was it only because she pitied me? Probably. After all, she probably assumed my parents died in a car accident, since that was what everyone assumed... As my thoughts continued to spiral out, my heart started pounding faster. Everything felt like if my emotions were colors, they'd be neon. Everything was too bright, my head was getting too light, my thoughts too fast. What a pathetic excuse for a person I was for breaking down in front of someone I barely knew.

"Hey, stay calm, breathe..." she encouraged. "In... and out. In... and out."

"I can't!" I choked out, everything too fast, too tight, too numb...Everything felt...wrong. Even my legs were starting to get numb now...the tingly feeling creeping up my legs. It was so weird...but it had happened before. Whenever I have a panic attack, I black out, everything goes numb, or I just break down. Why? I didn't know.

She offered a hug, so I took her offer as she wrapped her arms around me. It...felt safe. I felt safe. Warm, but not hot, peaceful but not silent. It just felt...right.

"What happened?" she asked softly when I finally calmed down. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she added.

#shattered-artist